It was George Washington who said “Associate with men of good quality if you esteem your own reputation; for it is better to be alone than in bad company.” And that’s the truth because the people you surround yourself with will determine many of the choices you make in life. It will determine who you become in the long-term as well.
There will be times when life is on your side and sends you some amazing people but there will also be times when toxic friends come around and poison your ability to be truly happy and free. The biggest thing to remember is surrounding yourself with people who make you a better person will make you happier. And let go of those people who don’t help better your life. Here are some warning signs you’re in the presence of a toxic person with bad intentions.
It’s a one way street
They never make time for you unless it’s convenient for them. You’re always there for your friend or family member but when the time comes that you need help with something, they aren’t around to help.
This shows a lack of commitment. Now, I’m not saying they need to be there like you’re their King or Queen. But in a normal and healthy way (I’ve been a co-dependent before) and I learned that you cannot depend on someone to be there for your every need but it’s the important ones that count. You want to be around people who want to spend time with you. But if they can’t create some time to hangout when you always do for them, what’s the point?
Being in a relationship with someone who can’t see your worth is a waste. You should never have to beg for someone to give you attention. It should be common sense that if they love you, they’ll want to spend time with you often.
After all, isn’t that what a relationship is about? But guys, remember, it’s healthy to have “girls days,” and “guys days.” You don’t need to be by one another’s side for every little event. It’s healthy be apart and it’s builds trust into the foundation of your relationship. If you can’t trust your significant other to go out to lunch with a friend alone then your relationship needs some work in the trust department.
Making time for someone doesn’t mean consuming 99.9% of that time. It means creating special moments and memories.
Are they holding your growth back with your past?
The truth is some people will always refuse to accept you aren’t the same person you used to be in the past. They refuse to see that change can and does happen often, especially when someone wants to make changes in their life. And other times they might be pissed off that you are moving on with your life and will do anything to drag you down. (I have seen people let others drop out of school, give up on their dreams and start a life leading to the jailhouse). It’s the saddest thing in the world to witness especially when you know what the person is capable of achieving.
When it comes to a co-dependent person, it’s important to remember they are afraid of the future. They don’t like change and any positive or negative change causes them to “act out,” and they’ll do anything to keep you where you are at the train station in your life to avoid any change.
How do you expect to grow if you can’t do new things?
They’ll even go the extra mile and give you reasons why you can’t achieve the goals you have set in your mind by comparing your choices from your past. And they will continue to make you feel as though you didn’t learn enough to grow and become better.
This isn’t healthy and it’s unacceptable in any type of relationship. Do not put up with people who hold you back from reaching your fullest potential in life. Don’t let anyone discredit your dreams and abilities.
What you are capable of achieving is based upon what you choose to do with your time and energy.
Do you feel trapped?
Healthy relationships keep the windows and door open at all times. This means you can come and go as you please and you can go and do things with others without feeling guilty.
Have you ever been told “no you can’t go out tonight,” or “you have to stay home and spend the day with me,” when all you really wanted to do was spend time with family or some friends? If this is happening all the time, there’s a problem because you should have the freedom to what you please in life.
Are you losing track of the lies?
The word love is a verb, not a noun. And that means that it needs to be active in a relationship. Love isn’t merely just passion and romance between two people. It’s also a behavior among one another.
If you’re love has lied to you more than once, that’s a complete sign of disrespect toward your relationship. And when you keep someone in your life who is a chronic and compulsive liar you are setting yourself up for sadness.
Giving chances to someone chances who lies a lot makes you just as bad because you’re both lying and being unloving toward yourself and what you deserve. Why would should anyone keep a liar around in their life? If the truth is too hard to talk about then don’t put up with the treatment because those who lie will only tell you what you want to hear. They are good at wearing a different mask for each person they converse with in their life.
A person who lies only wants to use you for their own benefit. There’s nothing actually there proving respect, love and communication.
Do you support them with money, food and a place to live?
This is my favorite manipulation technique. (I’ve seen this happen more with guys in my life than women but it does happen between both sexes).
The problem isn’t just the fact that you’re supporting someone you love. The problem arises when your significant other doesn’t seem to hold a job for more than week. They get fired all the time and complain that any type of work is too hard.
If you’re guy or girl is too lazy to get a job and hold one then you’re being used. All you have to do is look at their actions.
What do they do at home? Do they make you dinner because you’ve been at work all day? Are they proactive about finding work? Do they try everything they can to bring money into the house with you? Or do they sit around all day smoking, drinking and watching Netflix?
If you’re finding yourself broke, working check to check to support someone else’s dirty habits when they aren’t willing to make a positive change in their life, you deserve better.
There are many unhealthy behaviors that can signal a toxic relationship but these ones seem to be some of the bigger red flags in relationships. What would you guys add to the list of red flags to look for in relationships? Let us know in the comments below.